Dear teenage Amanda,

Where to begin…there’s so much I want to tell you while you are still young and have the rest of your life to live.

I know how hard it can be to be a teenage girl in this day and age. There are many pressures that you face on a daily basis. Whether it be from peers, social media, tabloids, or even at home, sometimes that pressure feels overwhelming.

The first thing I would tell you: A hunger need is a dangerous need. Be careful for what you’re “hungry” for. As girls, it’s easy to want attention, to be pursued, and to be wanted. When you don’t allow Christ to satisfy this deep hunger, you’ll start searching for it in other areas. Often time girls look for it in guys. That leads to a lot of regret and heartache. And when it’s all said and done, that “hunger” will never leave you satisfied. You’ll always be left wanting more and that road leads to a very dangerous path.

Secondly: when you compare and compete you live in defeat. Amanda, don’t compare yourself to others. God made you unique and special for such a time as this. The Bible says, “that I (Christ) have come to give you life and life to the fullest.”

When you don’t know your identity in Christ, you’ll live an unsatisfied life. You will never be happy or content. There is so much freedom when you know who you are in Christ. Nothing will stop you; nothing will hold you back. Find what you are gifted in and use that to build God’s Kingdom.

Finally, when you can’t see God’s hand; trust His heart. There will be many times in life when it feels like God is a million miles away. Just know that He is for you and will never leave you or forsake you. If you choose to fight through those dark and lonely times, you’ll see God’s character shine through each time.

Amanda, 30, USA

My name is Melissa, I am 6’2 (this will be important later) and happily married. I have a degree in Graphic Design, but a heart for people and helping them find their identity in Christ. Although it has been a little while since my teenage years (…I’m 31), many of the decisions I made then are still impacting me today.

When I was asked to look back at my life and give my “teenage self” some wisdom, so many things came to mind – but to narrow it down to just three things, here is what I know:
1. You’re more __________ than you think. Feel free to fill that blank in with any verb you are struggling with currently – brave, pretty, interesting, lovely, happy, blessed – whatever first comes to your mind. For me, that word was incredible (although all the other words were a close second).
Don’t hear this wrong – I am not promoting a conceded heart or an unhealthy reality (I definitely have weaknesses). I am promoting worth and value. See, I couldn’t look past my faults to really find my strengths. Despite literally towering over most of my friends, I often walked in their shadows – imagining myself to less “everything” than they were.
Because of this I didn’t fully embrace who I was and what I was capable of. So instead I looked to find my value in all the wrong places.
All this taught me that when all you look at is your own faults – others strengths will always outshine your own. I have not become famous or even come close to matching some of my friends strengths – but I have found my own version of “incredible”. Don’t underestimate yours.

2. This one is two parts.
A) Don’t take yourself too seriously (it’s no fun).
B) Don’t try to grow up too fast (it’s fun, but not until you’re actually grown up).
“A” is simple: BE SILLY! Yes, people are watching – but when you start to get shy -remember that if they are not being silly, they are actually envious that you have the courage to be fully you. Don’t be so serious. Try not to worry about what people think.
“B” is a little more complicated. Being a grown-up IS fun – but acting like a grown up when you’re in your teens is a recipe for disaster (emphasis added!). Making grown-up decisions before you are ready – results in outcomes that will stay with you your whole life. Always thinking about the future and never living in the moment – doesn’t make for good memories. Desiring, and chasing after, grown-up relationships and experiences –leaves you emptier than you were before they started (not to mention heartbroken). I made too many decisions, years before I should have, that ended in consequences that I have had to face multiple times over. “B” is hard… “B” hurts… because although I know that my past has made me who I am today, I’d rather not have a past to have to overcome. Look forward to becoming an adult – it can be wonderful – but be patient, you’ll get there. Act your age… it’s fun too.

3. This one is key. Really, I mean REALLY get to know Christ. I was lucky, I was the daughter of a pastor – I knew faith, and religion – I knew the ins and outs of church. What I didn’t know was Christ – and how much he loved me. All other things would have fallen into place if I had centered my life on Him. Decisions, consequences, love, happiness, confidence… God cares about everything. We recently had my 18 year old niece live with us and over, and over I found myself admiring her maturity in Christ that was way beyond her years. She chose right – only God can provide everything she needs, and her future will look a lot different because of her commitment. Above all else, let God guide your steps and He will weave your life together in a way that not even you could ever imagine.
That’s not remotely everything – but those are at the top of my list. Growing up is hard, but I promise you that you are capable of more than you could imagine.

Melissa, 31, USA

Being a female in this world is not easy. There are so many things putting pressure on us to appear a certain way or do certain things. In middle school and high school, much of my focus and energy was spent on trying to be like other people. When my friends would listen to certain music, I would start listening to it. When my friends had boyfriends, I was pressured to have a boyfriend. When my friends got to help lead at youth group, I felt like I wasn’t good enough if I didn’t help as well. In the search to find love, acceptance, and identity, I was chasing after a fulfillment that I thought being like someone else “better than me” would bring.

As I am now about to graduate from my university and move on into the “real world”, I can now look back with a realization that I wish my younger-self had. If I had the chance to turn back time and talk to my teenage self, I would tell her one thing: stop worrying what how other people have it or what other people think of you and just be yourself. We waste so much time and energy focusing on how to be “with it”. Because we spend time caring about how people view us or trying to be like someone else, we end up missing out on so much of life. Rather, we should be spending time worrying about the person that God has made us to be and the life He has planned out for us.

We are all victims of this… of what has been named the “comparison trap”. I was a victim of it as a teenager and fall into it still today. This is when we look at other people’s lives, their opportunities, their possessions, their looks, their experiences, their relationships, and their talents, comparing them to our own lives. For some reason, we let that comparison determine the quality of our own life. Maybe you’re thinking, well what is wrong with that? The truth is, comparison produces nothing beneficial. When we perceive that someone else has it better than us, we begin to think that we will never measure up. This pushes us into a cycle of chasing after false satisfaction and a false identity. The opposite end of the comparison trap is also just as bad: believing that someone else isn’t as good as us. This creates in us a heart of judgement that does not portray the love of Christ. The comparison trap lures us away from the truth of the God’s love. God loves the diversity all of us, and He loves each person just the same. Yet, we persist try to squeeze into a mold that the world claims is the perfect person.

So what can we do to avoid the comparison trap? A magazine from the States that I love, called Relevant Magazine, published an article on “How to Avoid the Comparison Trap”, in which they gave three excellent points of advice:
1. Celebrate the diversity and complexity of God’s creation.
2. Build up instead of tearing down.
3. Remember who you are.
To combat the lies, please note that God did not create humans to fit a mold that is labeled as the perfect human being. He is a creative, complex God who creates complex and diverse people to reflect His image – and He calls us good (Genesis 1:26-31). Thus, we should appreciate the diversity among us. After all, life would be boring if we were all exactly the same. Would you want everyone to be just like you? My guess is probably not. In appreciating diversity, let’s try hard to build each other up and not tear each other down (Ephesians 4:29). Christ loves each person and died on the cross for all – no matter what they look like or what they have. Therefore, we should seek to love each person through our thoughts, actions, and words. That includes you. Remember that God created you to be exactly the way that you are for a purpose – and He calls YOU very good (Psalm 139:13-16). Your looks, your talents, your personality, your interests, your capabilities, and the opportunities in your life are all special and wonderful. Let no one in this world mistake you and cause you to believe otherwise. God loves you as you, not because you are like someone else.

If I could go back in time, that is exactly what I would have told my teenage self. If I would have learned this lesson much earlier it might have saved me a lot of time, stress, and trouble I spent trying to be something I’m not. So, take it from me, be who you are… and not somebody else.

Jen, 21, USA

One of the reasons glittr exists is because as women, we understand what life was like as a teenage girl and we want to offer support and guidance to girls around Romania. We offer events, small groups and resources to help young ladies in different areas of their lives.

In November we will be featuring a series on our glittr blog called, “What I Would Tell My Teenage Self”. Each week we will have a guest writer share their story from the perspective as an older woman. The women writing are from around the world and range in age between 20-35 years old.

As older women, we can look back and see how those teenage years are not easy and may be some of the most difficult moments in life. We want to share with you these women’s stories because it offers another perspective on what they learned and some of them you may find have been in similar situations as you. We all have our personal story with some good and bad moments that we may choose to remember or try to forget. As we grow older, we start to see things differently than when we were a teenager. We continue to learn more about ourselves and others. So, we ask that you keep yourself open to some of the advice or ideas these women may offer.

Take a moment. Read a story. Think about how it applies to you.

This series is not just another way to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. However, it is a way that we can offer guidance in saying, “Please, learn from our successes or mistakes.”

We want you to live your life to your fullest potential!

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I can’t tell you how many times I have read about the story of sisters, Mary and Martha in the Bible. It has been used as an example for women for a long time. If you don’t know, the story is found in Luke Chapter 10. There are two sisters that have Jesus over to their home and Martha is busy in the kitchen and basically making it feel like ‘home’ as much as she can for Jesus. While Martha is rushing around, Mary is simply sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to everything He has to say. Martha gets frustrated and asks Jesus, “Don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me?” And Jesus basically says, “Martha, you are getting yourself all worked up for nothing. Mary gets it and it’s not about doing things around the house.”

So, most preachers or teachers ask the question, “Who are you most like, Mary or Martha?” And you are set up to make a decision between the two sisters. I would say that most women would like to say that they are Mary but are probably Martha. But for me, I know that I am more like Martha. And it makes me think that I am wrong and kinda shamed in a sense for doing instead of being. I have to believe that Martha had a great heart and just wanted the best for Jesus. Who wouldn’t want that for a special guest in their home? And I know that if I was working hard that I would be frustrated to see my sister sitting there doing nothing to help. Putting myself in that situation it would be hard to hear Jesus tell me that I have it wrong and I need to do what Mary is doing. When I read that I think that Mary is right, Martha is wrong.

I think that we can often get caught up in ‘doing’ and forget that what is most important is just spending time being with Jesus. And that is what He wants most for us. He has gifted us in many different ways and wants us to use our giftings to glorify Him. There is nothing wrong with that. For Martha, maybe she had the gifting of hospitality and was doing her best to make everything perfect. That’s not wrong, but I just picture Jesus taking her hands and saying, “Sit with me. Leave the dishes in the sink. Leave the food on the table. Sit with me.” That might be out of Martha’s comfort zone but it’s still good for her to do. She connects with the one who created her and knows her by name. The One that loves her whether everything is perfect or not. He loves her for who she is and not what she can do.

So, lets not focus on Mary and Martha or right vs. wrong, rather, lets be reminded that what we DO for Jesus is not most important. It’s being with Jesus. Our relationship with Him. When was the last time you read your Bible? Spent time in prayer? Journaled? Sat and listened to worship music? Our relationship is most important and if we don’t take care of it, we can find ourselves losing that close relationship we once had.

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with the tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” – Colossians 3:12